


It Was Beautiful

by circlenowsquared (csquared225)



Series: Codas to Agents of SHIELD [6]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Feels, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Schmoop, reminder of canonical character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-21
Updated: 2014-03-21
Packaged: 2018-01-16 12:58:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1348297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/csquared225/pseuds/circlenowsquared
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Coda to episode six. Discussing the past week’s adventures turns into an unexpected argument.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Was Beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> I was just. So mad with Phil after seeing the episode, completely irrationally. Angry about what had happened to him and seeing previews for Thor 2 and Loki, who killed Phil, and that Phil had to go through all of that in the first place, and knowing he would have done the same thing as Jemma. Sigh. Clint felt the same way.

“Wait, he EXPLODED?”

 

Phil sighed and shook his head. Telling Clint his week got exhausting long before he was even halfway through.

 

“His brain did, in some capacity, I don’t entirely understand the technical terms Simmons used. Too much electrical build up in the brain, something to that effect.” He smiled sadly. “I’m just glad that I got to talk to him before he went.”

 

Clint’s expression softened, and he squeezed Phil’s thigh where he’d been resting his head, and sat up.

 

“I’m sure you gave him some peace, from someone who’d been where he was going.” The archer looked a little sick at the mention of Phil dying in the first place, and Phil quickly moved on.

 

“We got the helmet contained, though we had to quarantine the firemen for some time. We couldn’t risk another explosion like that.”

 

“I’m the Avenger, I’m supposed to be the one who’s nearly getting killed every week,” Clint grumbled, arms crossed. Phil took a moment to admire how it made his biceps look even bigger before replying.

 

“Clint, you knew this wasn’t going to be a desk job.”

 

“Yeah, but you’re dealing with even more risky shit than usual. Our ops weren’t this life-threatening, and they weren’t walks in the park.”

 

Phil shrugged.

 

“We had some close calls. Manila, Argentina…”

 

Clint flapped his hand, resigned expression on his face.

 

“I get it. Moving on.”

 

“Jemma got infected. And we’re obviously all okay,” he added when Clint’s eyes widened. “She’s an up and coming Banner or Stark, Clint. I knew she would come up with a cure.”

 

“So what happened?” Clint asked warily. There was a sharp edge to Phil’s expression that reminded him of the times he’d made stupidly dangerous decisions on an op. He had a feeling something of that nature was the reasons for it. Sure enough, his lover’s eyes darkened.

 

“She tried one last vacc--anti-serum,” and he unexpectedly chuckled, but shook his head at Clint’s questioning look, “and it didn’t appear to work. She told us to tell her parents, then knocked out Fitz and jumped out of the cargo hold with no parachute.”

 

Clint’s eyes bulged. He thought he was the only one that stupid and recklessly brave.

 

“Jesus, how’d she--”

 

“Ward jumped out after her,” Phil sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as he remembered. “Got her just above the ocean, opened a parachute and we picked them up.” His lips were thinned, and Clint licked his own before cautiously venturing, “Well, it's okay, right? She wanted to save you guys.” Phil removed his hand. The archer stiffened at the force of the glare aimed at him.

 

“She shouldn’t have taken that risk, there were other contingency plans in place. Ward could have been killed diving out after her, or Leo, who couldn’t even get the parachute open--”

 

“Phil, don’t say that,” Clint snapped, startling his partner into looking at him. The two of them fought, but it was always yelling traded back and forth, not a sudden blast of noise. It meant Clint was really angry. “You did the same damn thing with Loki, and you’d do it again. That was completely hypocritical of you to tell her that.”

 

Phil blinked in surprise, shocked blank for a moment before his brow furrowed, and he scowled at Clint.

 

“Those were different circumstances and you know it, Clint. That was about the fate of the entire world, the universe. The Chitauri would have spread out further than just Earth.”

 

Clint’s chest was heaving with how mad he was, and Phil knew then and there that this wasn’t going to end well. They’d had fights, but he’d never seen Clint’s fists curl like that during them before. He knew he’d never hit him, but he’d never been frustrated enough to show those kinds of physical signs.

 

“You know what? Fuck this noise. I’m not talking about you with this. I’ll come see you off before you leave on your next mission, but I can’t see you before that, Phil. I just can’t.”

 

Before Phil could say anything, the archer had slipped out the door. He knew better than to go after him, and slid down on the couch. Way to go, Phil. Way to go.

\---

They hadn’t been separated this long since Phil had recovered, and it was clear that neither of them could stand it when Clint showed back up at his door three days before he was set to leave again instead of one. He looked awful, no different than Phil himself did, he knew. The senior agent had barricaded himself in his apartment, lounged around in sweats and eaten ice cream while he watched Supernanny.

 

Clint’s face was pale but for his red nose and eyes, where he’d obviously been crying and blowing his nose. His hair was mussed, not styled at all, and the bags under his eyes looked like those after a rough mission.

 

“I’m sorry for yelling at you, Phil,” the archer looked completely morose, green eyes wet as they looked up at him sadly. “I know why you did what you did in New York, and me being gone didn’t help. Not that I’m blaming myself again!” He added hastily when he saw Phil open his mouth to object. “I’m just saying, I understand. That’s kind of what I did during the Battle, y’know? Fought for you, even if I didn’t know you were dead then.” He shrugged, and looked down. “Anyway, to sum it up, I’m sorry. I was mad at you, but I’m over it and I hope you forgive me.”

 

“Clint, of course I forgive you. I was mad at me, too.” Phil tugged him inside the apartment, sat down with him on the couch, and gathered him back up into his arms, resting his nose in his hair; inhaling the scent he loved so much. He sighed, rustling the short-cropped strands. “For leaving you behind and not thinking before I confronted a god with an experimental weapon, going all-out even though I knew there was hope of getting you back. I just...I hated what he did to you. It was an emotionally-fueled decision. So I do understand why Jemma did what she did.”

 

Clint smiled into his chest wryly.

 

“I’m sure she’ll figure that out, Phil. And she knew you were just worried, you get mad when you’re worried. I can’t count how many times you yelled at me after a hard mission.”

 

Phil shuddered. He didn’t even want to go into how many times Clint had jumped off a building or lead the enemy off on his own to finish them off. Clint seemed to sense this and shut up.

 

This didn’t last long, as the archer remembered the news he’d gotten from Melinda.

 

“You had a physical, before everything went south,” he said carefully. It could have meant all of the answers they had been wanting...but then again, even with almost getting blown up again, Phil would have mentioned it if that were the case. Sure enough, his boyfriend shook his head.

 

“My blood work was normal.”

 

‘But the SHIELD labs could have faked them, because my people weren’t the ones who did the tests, or Tony or Bruce,’ went unsaid. Clint nodded simply and rubbed his hand against the scar gently.

 

“And you don’t want a second opinion.”

 

Phil did, he desperately did. But he knew that there was no way Clint would get out of here with a sample, no matter how good he was, because SHIELD was expecting that, they knew how uncertain he’d been lately.

 

“Just for now... Just for now.” He could live without knowing a little while longer if it meant keeping Clint safe. The archer seemed to accept this without words as the reason and nodded, pressing a kiss over the fabric where he knew the scar lay beneath.

 

“It’ll be okay,” Clint said quietly, to convince them both. ‘It’s the least we deserve.’

 

**The End**

 


End file.
